Monday, April 28, 2008

True story.

Well, I have not done a journal entry basically ever.

So the other morning (this was extreme morning, super-ante-meridian) I went over to Taylor Haus and parked my car across the street. I guess I parked in front of some trucks that were sitting on somebody's lawn, which isn't the coolest shit, but I didn't think they would be leaving any time before I did.

It is important to understand that the front, driver-side door of my car is one squawkin'-ass mofo, and occasionally its howl will summon a truly fell beast. So I got out of my car, and immediately I heard some guy talking to me. I turned around to see a fat man wearing a moustache and an a-shirt, possibly pants, I don't remember. He said something resembling, "I hope you don't plan on parking there for very long."

"No, I will probably be gone in a couple of hours," I replied.

"'Cause I've got two vehicles right there." No shit?

"Well if you're going to be leaving soon I could move my car."

"'Cause there's a fire hydrant right there, and that's illegal." Oh. Admittedly I did not notice the fire hydrant.

"Oh, thanks. I'll move my car. Thanks." He didn't even say anything else before he re-entered his home. "Thanks," I said again, "you tit." He didn't come back, but I probably would have fought that man. I was in a weird mood.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

The stagnatest generation.

You open up your mouth and say,
"There's nothin' to do in this town!"

And I say, "Pipe down, indolent spawn of the internet!"
Don't be wettin' in my bed
You're incensed, you're so dense
You expect me to be interested
In your relentlessly adolescent torrent of inner torment
That was intended as a statement!
And it ain't a question: you've made fessin' a profession!
To supplement your other methods of employment:
Malcontentment; complainin'; incontinent frustration!
Your schematic is titanically ironic
You're flagrantly impatient to the point of histrionic
Yet you're gravely stationary, been waitin' to be entertained since birth
Now you're the hardest-shirkin' slave to instant gratification on the face of the earth!
Wither the worth of the witless
Please cease to belabor this explicitly scripted behavior
I don't care to savior, maybe you can save yourself
But probably you'll just be overwhelmed and wander off
To gawk at some other unencumbering, numb, dumb shit, dim-wit

You lazy punks!
Self-entitled lumps!
Your ship is sunk because I debunked your triflin' slump
And you kicked the brain-bucket
Have you ever sought fulfillment?
Do you endeavor to be full of excrement?
I didn't wanna put you down, but you started thinkin' aloud,
"There's nothin' to do in this town!"

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Gneiss guy.

One morning my mind was reborn
Torn from the lithostatic of the past into the stagnance of the present
Erratic ambition agitated my indecision to progress
And profess that only myself I have to impress
The will to change possess I alone
Exchange my lazy seat of stone
For an incommodious throne
Excising my ass from lethargizing imprecisely
Presently, deftly I will, perhaps ungently, feistily revise
This pomegranate into pome-gneiss!

Oh yes, I am a gneiss guy
Mundanely mistaken as a granite man
Disguised as a wise guy
But wisdom comes from some exotic plumb
Hitherto untasted by this wastrel

Repurpose this pile of debased brain cells!

Unsteady, heavy-heady
Already you're regretting getting embedded in this nonsense
Suspense of defense, shields down
Pay attention to this lesson lest you get schooled in the first round
Profoundly pronoun: it's time to lay the laziness aside
Before you find you're on the wrong side of an insurmountable divide
Generically gerund: usin' the same, old ing on everything
You've invented a non-descript epidemic, I suspect!
Abjectly adjective: what do you expect when you reject introspection?
Neglect your intellect and expect to get disrespected
Absurdly adverbal: you're not a turned-over turtle set in granite, man!
You're a gneiss guy!
But you've reduced your muse to an obtuse recluse
Due to a double-dose-colon disuse-semicolon excuses, excuses
Don't eschew it, stupid!
This is a geologic process of self-improvement through ego rebootin'
So get used to the effusive

Confusing creatures, mistakes!
The difference between what eats you and what you intake
To slake your thirst for personal reimbursement
To your atrophic, mind-power muscle
For all the apathetic, idle hours rustled for nothin'
But with this knowledge don't prepare an apology
Spare the ignominy!
Bein' indefinitely sorry is hardly conducive to lucidity
There is no insufficiency, only a proclivity to passivity
But what could this missive be?
It reads, "Don't be remiss to reminisce on this
"And don't dismiss all the shit you really wish not to relive"
Reiterate: inside the gneissest guy you will find remnants of granite
Confined reminders of a time when you were immeasurably desperate
Plentiful reflection recompenses immensive benefit

You'll never fully abandon what you enacted
Bombastic memories abstracted and moments monastic
The gneiss guy finishes porphyroclastic

And that

Is fantastic